There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
