omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
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The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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