I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
