Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
