Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she smelled like a LAN party
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
