I'm really into asian looking animals
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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