oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
