Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
