im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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