I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The beer is more important than you right now.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize