So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
