Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize