Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Randomize
