Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I wish you could order shots online.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
