Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
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I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
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There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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