Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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