i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
two words...techno handjob
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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