Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
