office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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