do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I need a beard to bite.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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