I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
