I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
