I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
