Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I AM VODKA MAN
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
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