I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
