Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
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Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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