so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
