So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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