she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
