I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
