The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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