Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
