i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
