Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
