Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
