He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
