so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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