Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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