i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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