I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
