Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize