I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
