Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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