My room smells like vodka and shame
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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