Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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