4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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