A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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