So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
