im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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