Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
