Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
