I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
