I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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