A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
