then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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