i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
