are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
