you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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