It's just like the Real World with babies
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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