You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
