apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
