I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
