Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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