Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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