loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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