Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
