Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
