I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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