sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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