Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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