Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
