The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
