he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
