I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
